Holiday Helps for Adults Living with Disabilities

I believe that there can be two equally valid sides to the holiday season. A side filled with magic, excitement, and togetherness and a side that has confusion, depression and/or anxiety. As a single adult who has lived life with a disability here are some thoughts on what has helped me navigate holidays with a degrees of joy and success. 

Steps I have taken to help my situation

Communication is a crucial first step. The most prominent benefit I have found is that it helps to put my brain at ease; reducing the confusion and the “what if’s” of anxiety. I do not have to wonder if I’m expected to attend a certain gathering or what food or gift I need to bring if I have already communicated with the appropriate parties. I can focus on the enjoyment and less on the “what if’s” of various situations. Likewise, if another party communicates then I can hopefully be more aware of their circumstances and the situation. For example, a gift that they might need or want or times when they will/will not be available to connect during the holidays. 

Awareness of my own needs is another important holiday tool. For example, I need to be aware of when I need five-minute break because I am getting overstimulated and then briefly and appropriately excuse myself.  I need to remember that when I am eating well, drinking enough water and sleeping well I am setting myself up for emotional success.

Creating my own joy also helps me during the holiday season. Years ago, I found myself participating in a traditional group holiday event…. on my own. Though there was some initial sadness and discouragement, I chose to adapt the mantra “better done solo than not done at all.” Prior to the holidays, I also make a list of the holiday events and experiences that I to do during the season. Sometimes I invite others to join and sometimes it is meant to be a solo activity. The goal is being intentional in creating something for me to look forward to during the holiday months. 

Holidays can also be a time for two-part relationships with friends and family. Here are my thoughts on what my family and friends have done to support my success during the holidays.

Intentional Invitations mean a lot to me during the holiday season, particularly if you belong to a large family (or friend group) as I do. Holiday dinners often mean that we are spread out over several tables/rooms. Even though I am with people I love it can feel intimidating to exit the food line with a full plate and then have to look for an available place to sit. It helps me when a friend or family member invites me to sit with them beforehand or notices me and calls out for me to join them. Other intentional invitations may be to attend a preferred holiday activity or just a simple text with “how are you doing?”

Supporting my needs with kindness is another helpful tool. This may be supporting me while I exit to reduce my stimulation levels. It can also be giving hugs or rubbing my back while we are gathered to remind me that I am not alone. It may be asking with a listening ear about my holiday plans and what is new in my life; especially when these plans may differ from others. 

Celebrating successes with me always means a lot. These may not be the typical successes such as a new job, a boyfriend, buying a new car, etc. These successes may be staying a few minutes longer at a gathering or more effectively communicating a need with those you love. Another success can be feeling more visibly relaxed and feeling more patient. It fills my heart when others take notice and tell me about it. Ultimately, what success and joy look like will differ greatly among as will the methods to get there. Wishing all of you a holiday season with opportunities to make memories and feel joy!